It’s been just over 17 years since the Queensland Transport Department handed over my provisional licence and gave me the green light to take to the mean streets of the Gold Coast solo.   To be honest, they really had no business doing this as a) I will openly admit that even after 35 driving lessons (I shit you not) I still really didn’t know how to drive and b) I mounted two gutters during the driving test after running a red light. 

I’m happy to tell you though, I have improved over time and have only had two at fault car crashes and been warned to stop the speed racer antics once.  I’ve been good now for over 10 years.  Hang in there Ford, I do have good news.

Often, we hear that Queenslanders, Gold Coasters in particular, are the worst drivers in Australia.

And, I guess if the people on our roads who don’t indicate,  cut people off and refuse to use a roundabout correctly are from Queensland then yes, this is quite true. But they aren’t. In fact the majority of the Gold Coasts’ population wasn’t actually born here. To be fair, they were probably conceived here though (being a great place to get loose and all) so I can see the connection.

That being said, driving to two schools, a kindy and a workplace each day I often encounter the following:

• People who straddle two lanes going through a roundabout. Seriously, choose your lane and stick to it. I am in a little Honda Jazz with a family of 5. We are just one erratic move away from being crushed under a Landcruiser. Granted, to select a Honda Jazz with 5 people plus at the time, a Golden retriever was not my Mensa moment.
• The vague couple who go slow, then speed up, then look around, then have a chat, all whilst driving their Volvo in front of me on my way to school. a) you have no business being out at 8am and b) pay attention! Because when you do 40 km’s an hour up to traffic lights and then gun it to leave me behind at the red light, it kind of gives me the instant shits.
• People who don’t indicate. See, as I haven’t activated my crystal ball yet, I don’t know which way you intend to turn. Why do people not indicate? Are they too lazy? It doesn’t get much easier people. It’s a flick of the wrist. Really. Is it because they are above indicating? Do they not have the brain capacity? I simply do not understand this lack of courtesy and this in turn makes me want to ram people. Clearly in my Jazz I would come off second best, but it would almost be worth it.
• It’s a Bus Lane. Not a Wanker Lane. Seriously, it says BL. It’s for Bus’s (and taxi’s) Not for tools who are in a hurry. Newsflash dickhead, we’re all in a hurry. We’ve all got to wait our turn. I make it my mission in life to straddle those bus lanes with my car when I see them coming in my rear-view mirror. Sure, it often leads to a douche in a 911’s giving me the finger, but it’s so very worth it.
• Cars so low they can’t get over a speed bump. We’ve all seen them. They lower the bejesus out of their shitty commodore Utes and then have to take those speed bumps at a massive angle. Well I’ll let you in on a secret. You look like a fuckstick. Did you ever think if you can’t hit a 20cm pothole at speed, it won’t be long until QLD Police find you and defect your arse?
• Last but not least, people who don’t thank you for letting them into traffic. I make a conscious effort to let people in.  Whether it is letting them in after coming out of the Servo or just generally merging. When people don’t acknowledge my courtesy, you don’t have to be gifted in lipreading to see my response to their arrogance.

And in all honesty, I am generally a calm, easygoing person. Inside my car bubble though, on occasion, I turn into Judge Judy on heat.

This post is my entry into the Kidspot 2011 Top 50 bloggers.  The prize this year is $5,000 cash and the use of one of their new Ford Territory’s for a year.  A whole. Freaking. Year.  You can vote here – please do … myGC editor’s comment :-)

After having re-read through my post above, I’d like to say to Ford and Kidspot, that the whole two car accidents; speeding, ramming stuff etc was a little exaggerated.  I’m really a great driver.  No really. 

How about you? Good driver? Know where the worst reside? Shameful driving history? Spill.