Hello everyone, I hope you have all enjoyed the holiday season and had some success with your relationship (or perhaps started a new one?). It’s been a little while since I’ve posted but we are back and what would a dating and relationship blog be without looking at February 14th; Saint Valentine’s Day.

When it comes to Valentine’s Day, I’m like a lot of people in that I believe you don’t need just one special day to show someone you care or add a splash of romance to your relationship. But it must be said that some people find this difficult. Whether they lack the confidence, ability or imagination, or are simply too lazy, many people embrace the concept of Valentine’s as a chance to go out on a limb and do something wonderful at this time of year.

So yes, I do believe Valentine’s Day has its place, although maybe this year we could make it more than a once-off event and instead use it to get the ball rolling on many more spontaneous romantic moments for 2010.
 
Singles
Now is the time to capture that certain someone’s interest or to show that special new person in your life that they make an impact. The big rules to remember though are as follows:
 
Don’t go with anonymous.
If you have been or are making the effort then let them know that smile and feeling they have is being created by you. Leave a name and number or even a clue if you are going for a hint of mystery, but make the clue easy to solve and not an advanced cryptic cipher (it needn’t be a national secret.)
 
If you leave a card…
Make it light, personal, funny and something that just the two of you will get. Steer clear of clichés and generic sentiments, after all it’s just for the two of you.
 
Take a break from flowers.
If you send flowers often or want to stand out in a sea of roses, now is the time to let your imagination fly and show a side of yourself that your love interest might not have seen yet. These two are straight from my personal ‘How to get through Valentine’s Day Survival Kit’: a box filled with treats and gifts that they will need to make it through their day or a treasure hunt through the area where at every stop they get a gift and a clue. All gifts add up to the adventure of what you will do for your Valentine’s date and the last clue leads to you, waiting with a coffee and a smile.
 
In a relationship
You know what is special to your partner and don’t need advice from me on that, so follow your instincts and act.
I’ve noticed that these days quite a few couples think Valentine’s Day is a waste and don’t do anything by agreement. That is great and shows wonderful communication and understanding until the clock hits 2pm on the 14th and everyone in the office has received something yet your partner hasn’t. They might say they don’t care but deep down they probably feel a little bit deflated and would love an opportunity to show that their partner is just as romantic and caring as all the others that sent something. Even though Valentines day falls on a Sunday, you can still act and show that your sponatenous. 
 
Now regular readers will know I am not a believer in buying in to external perception but it’s not only the way your gift makes your partner feel, it is also the reaction they get in their working environment that is priceless and makes them feel special and amazing. If all of your partner’s friends can see how much you love and appreciate them it will make your partner even more proud to call you their own.
 
Forget the commercial holiday and cynicism for a moment and embrace this day of love and affection. But make a vow that this year’s 14th of February will be just one of many days that you will let romance fly and show that special someone how much you adore them.

It’s a question as old as dating itself and one that is again doing the rounds after the recent transgressions of Tiger Woods.  Let’s face it; he would have been the last person you would expect to cheat.  Never in his 33 years has he ever put a foot out of place. In the eyes of the world he was a perfect gentleman, a loving husband and father off the golf course and not to mention a perfect role model for kids. 

Until now.

Now I am not going to defend or attack Tiger or the decisions he has made.  This issue is much bigger than one topical example. But it makes you wonder, do all guys cheat?

Ok.  From the start let’s get one thing straight.  Both guys and girls cheat, after all it takes two to tango. And it has to be said that both sexes are prone to the behaviour.  The question that needs to be asked is why do people feel the need to cheat on their partner?

We have all heard the myriad of reasons for infidelity including loneliness, vulnerability, arousal or an intoxicated accident but all of these excuses simply exhibit a total lack of respect.  It comes down to the fact that they just don’t care enough anymore.  Sure, they still love the person they are with but there is a part of them that wants to be free and not in that relationship anymore. 

Cheating isn’t a way out, but it is often used for one.

Ever noticed that when we really care for someone we are so consumed with passion, love and desire for them that we stop experiencing attraction to other people? That hot guy or sexy girl on the street becomes just another face in the crowd. It is a wonderful feeling but one that does take work to maintain.  

There are three integral parts to a relationship; an emotional, mental and a physical connection.  You need all three to have a successful and long lasting relationship.  If one area breaks down, so too will the relationship. Likewise, if you have mental and emotional connection, you have what we call a best friend.  If you have a physical and mental connection, you have a friend with benefits. 
In a healthy relationship, all three aspects are needed to make it work and when one is missing, you will often find yourself looking outwards for fulfilment.

I am not condoning cheating. But we have to be honest. Something has to be lacking in the relationship for someone to even contemplate cheating.  Tell me what sort of relationship is that?  Not only are you lying to yourself but you’re clearly lying to the person you’re cheating on.  Tiger could be viewed to have everything, more money then he needs, a beautiful wife and a loving family.  But his unfaithfulness must have been driven by a want for something this relationship wasn’t providing.

I often get asked the following two questions and for some reason people think it defines dating ability: “how long ago was your last relationship?” and “what’s the longest relationship you have been in?”  Have you ever heard these?  Both of these are largely irrelevant.  If you have been single for say, 5 years, it doesn’t mean that you’re adverse to commitment or that you’re socially inept.  It shows that you don’t want to settle for someone who is not everything you desire, just so you can say you have a partner.  That is hardly a reason to be with somebody.

The length of time has nothing to do with quality.  I would rather have a life time of wonderful 3-6 months relationships filled with passion, laughter and adventure than a 7 year relationship where I was only truly happy for a year of it.  And therein lays the problem.

So many couples stay in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship.  Why?  Do they think it might get better? “I’ve invested 3 years; I should at least give it another 3 to see if it improves.”  Maybe it is external influences that make them stay.  “What about the kids, lease, who will get the white goods?”  Or an oldie but a goodie. “What happens if I don’t find anyone else?” Seriously, wouldn’t you rather be free from an unhappy relationship and ready to start a new one when someone amazing comes along?  It is a simple yes or no really.  Ask yourself honestly if you want to be with the person you are with.  Just a yes or no.  Don’t cloud the answer with irrelevant issues like “but my friends are all his friends/I won’t get to see her family again/we have just moved in together”.  These issues can push your no to a yes, or vice versa, but shouldn’t be the deciding factor as to whether or not you should be together… the answer must be simpler.  Strength comes in the action of the decision.  And we can all agree there is no strength in cheating.

Remember, you don’t have to be in a relationship to be happy or complete.

I assure you that the irony of a dating consultant talking in his blog about not being in a relationship isn’t lost on me but there’s good logic behind it.  I am not saying let’s all go and be single, I’m saying it’s about being true to yourself so your partner gets the full, honest and complete you.

I’m also reaffirming something that has been a constant throughout Dating in the Real World, that we have to embrace communication, respect and honesty.  Not only with your partners but also with yourselves.  If you are feeling like straying from the faithful path, talk about it with your partner.  It might be a hard conversation to have, but better a difficult discussion now that you can both understand and accept then a hurtful action that one of you surely won’t.

If you have any personal questions you would like Andrew to help you with, he can be contacted by email or on his mobile- 0414 218 087. You can now follow Andrew on Twitter www.twitter.com/datinginthewild

It’s been a little while since I last shared my thoughts and advice as I’ve been spending time focusing on my book and been generally busy with seminars and consulting.  But I am back this week with a look at what to do and what not to do now that we have met that particular someone who we want to date.

It is important to know that there are no secrets with this.  Dating and relationships are based on communication, honesty and respect.  From the first time we meet that someone special, all three aspects need to be present for a genuine connection to be established.

If you neglect to focus on these it is only a matter of time before the relationship will begin to break down.  A quick look in Tiger’s direction is testament to that.  We’ll take a closer look at that situation next time but for now, let us enjoy the first date.

Location, location, location.

Where you go and what you do is incredibly important on the first date.  You need a carefree environment where you can both feel relaxed and at ease, allowing you to show off your natural charisma. Catching up for a drink or a coffee is a simple example and one that gives you a perfectly-sized window to enjoy the moment. As they say, always leave them wanting more.  Choosing a location where there are a lot of people around will increase the comfort level and ease the pressure for both parties to ‘perform’.

Looking outside the square can set you apart from the others.  Focusing on what they have a passion for is a great way to show that you are taking an interest.  Whether it’s rock climbing, art galleries or learning to surf, make the effort to do something relevant where you can both smile and laugh and experience a real moment together.

DON’T locations.

Movies: Movies are a second or third date or even just a relaxing afternoon together.  Movies are not a first date location.  What is the point in going out to get to know each other in a place you can’t even talk? The potential of a three hour date will be reduced to the mere formalities and a couple of shallow conversations.

Dinner:  Dinner can be a winner or a killer. To people who haven’t dated much, dinner can be a high-pressure ordeal.  If you do want to eat and do dinner, make it slightly different.  Start with drinks and if the moment is there to take the dinner step, make it progressive.  Enjoy an entree at one location, then move to the next and have dinner and then head to the third restaurant for desert.   Spreading it out over the evening can turn the date into an adventure and will make it far more memorable. Dinner isn’t about what you eat or where you go, it is about who you’re with.
Remember the first date is fun and adventure, the second date is secluded and romantic and the third date combines the two with added depth and intelligence.

Who Pays?

I was brought up to believe that the guy should pay on the first date but I have also developed my own reasoning for this.  Firstly, the guy is generally the one who initiates the date and this implies a financial duty to be fulfilled.  Secondly, guys aren’t oblivious to the costs of dating.  Just because he gets a $100 bill doesn’t mean she hasn’t invested the same amount into the evening.  You both want to impress and she may have had her hair cut, bought new shoes or even a new outfit and trust me, this will push well past that $100 mark. The least he can do is pay for dinner or the event that he planned.

Here are a few general tips that will point you in the right direction.

1. Whoever asks the person out should pay (this will almost exclusively be guys)

2. If the invited party (the one who was asked out) wants to contribute and pay a share, get the drinks or desert and if it goes well they can choose the next adventure.

3. DON’T ever make an issue out of the bill.  Always pay discreetly with minimal fuss.  Show the other person that it is not a big deal and never look to them when it comes time to pay.  Step up and pull the card out.  It shows your date a great deal about the strength of your character.

Fashion.

This section is directed towards the guys as the ladies I have seen dating have always looked amazingly exquisite and hardly need my advice.
OK, rule one… the most important rule to remember:  there is no such thing as a “good” t-shirt. 

Even if you have paid $200 for that shirt, it is still a t-shirt.  I once attended a 21st of a good friend and she had an Oscars theme.  Red Carpet, suits, amazing dresses and everyone went all out and looked amazing.  Except for three guys who attended with their girlfriends.  They wore the standard tight t-shirt, jeans, and white shoes and when you talked to their partners you could see they looked ashamed and disappointed and were forced to defend them with the line “but it’s a really good t-shirt”.  Seriously now, do I need to say more?

Make an effort boys and dress over and above what you think is required and if possible, always try to match her.  If you are meeting her after she has finished work, dress appropriately to her work environment.  If she works in a corporate office, dress accordingly.  You want her to feel comfortable and proud to be out with you, not self conscious or worse still, embarrassed of you. Show her the respect needed in this department as it could be a deal breaker, especially at this early stage.

When to call.

We have all heard about the “three day rule”.  You know the one; call three days later as you don’t want to seem too keen.  I can definitively tell you right now that is a load of crap. That rule needs to be thrown out and never followed again. It shows a total lack of respect.

When you enjoy a wonderful time together and then neglect to let that person know you enjoyed it is simply poor form and is inexcusable. Imagine what it must be like to have a great time with someone thinking that it is going well, only to not to hear from them the next day. The mind goes on a fantastic journey down a negative path of “oh he doesn’t like me” or “she must not be interested” and we go into self preservation mode “oh well forget it, they missed out”.

The real rule is simple; if you want to call and say thank you, go ahead and make the call. Make it the next day and do not under any circumstance do it by text. Pick up the phone and let them hear a voice, it makes all the difference.

Texting? Good or Bad?

Never text in the early stages of a relationship.  If you have to, try to make it only for establishing times and places to meet or letting them know how far away you are.  Never for general conversation.  It is important to talk, after all they haven’t learnt your tone, patterns of speech or humour yet.  Take the ambiguity away and communicate without limitations.

I hope this has helped and remember, be prepared.  Do your research on where you are going and what you are doing so you can spend these early dates enjoying the pleasure of each other’s company and not worrying about what is going to happen next or if they will have a good time.

If you’re interested, the workshops will be kicking off in January again after the Christmas break so just drop a line.  Remember the workshops are for both sexes, male and female and we can do mixed classes and groups.  So join up and get involved.

Feel free to shoot me an email and let me know if you have any questions or problems, as I would love to help and hear your feedback.

If you have any personal questions you would like Andrew to help you with, he can be contacted by email or on his mobile- 0414 218 087. You can now follow Andrew on Twitter www.twitter.com/datinginthewild

Firstly, I would like to thank everyone who joined me and had a great time at the workshops over the last few weeks. It is fantastic to see you all taking control of your dating lives.

It was interesting to see the similarities in everyone’s experiences.  Breaking the ice and making first contact seemed to be the biggest issue faced by everyone in these sessions, but once we did things really moved forward.  The hard thing was taking that first step.

Everyone, regardless of gender, had trouble breaking down the walls and gaining credibility with the opposite sex on that first encounter.  They clouded their minds with unimportant issues or things that were outside of their control.

“He won’t like me”

“She is way too hot for me”

“I will just look like an idiot if I say something”.

These concerns and many more were vocalised and, to be totally honest, are rather irrelevant. You can’t make decisions for someone else, especially if you’ve only just met.  All you can do is put your best foot forward and let them decide. 
Telling yourself that someone won’t like you is an incredibly effective way of making it happen.  Being negative is a very unsexy trait.

So here is a guide to breaking down the walls and taking that first step.

Love yourself, after all you are perfect.

Yes that is right, perfect.  At the second you’re reading this you’re perfect.  You can’t get any better.  At this second.  Everything you have done in your life has gotten you to this point, this moment and you can’t, at this second, get any better.  Now don’t rest on those laurels and give up,  we all have goals, dreams and things we want to achieve that will enhance the person we already are, but at this second, simply perfect.  So embrace it and focus on the competitive advantage that sets you apart from everyone else; your smile, eyes, physical presence, charisma, that stunning personality.  Embrace it.  After all there is nothing sexier to the opposite sex then a confident person who knows who they are and is proud of it and doesn’t try to be something they are not.  No one likes a try hard.

Girls:

Smile and make eye contact.

We have all heard it before, but it is a staple in the body language play book for getting his attention.  He needs the signals that allow him to know you are interested.  So look, hold that look, and look again.  Hold the look for five seconds, smile, and when he sees this and looks back, hold him with that smile.  As you turn back to the conversation, hold the contact till the last second before you break it.  You don’t have to be an expert to read that sign.

Wave and nod.

Now don’t jump up and down and signal a plane to land, subtlety is the key here.  You want him to feel he is the only one in the room.  You have drawn him in with a smile and your eyes; a small hand gesture will let him know you know you have his attention and in turn affirm yours.

Separate yourself from the pack.

Standing in the middle of a group of girls can be a daunting prospect to a guy.  Trying to get past all your friends to talk to you could prove too big a challenge.  So if you want to give him a better chance to make his move, get yourself to the edges of the group. This allows him a less conspicuous way to engage with you that won’t immediately attract the scrutiny of your friends. Getting the guy’s attention while you’re female friends can quickly turn sour.  It only takes a few of them to laugh after you have just exchanged looks to make him feel like he is the butt of a joke.   As a wise woman once said to me, perception is the key.

Grow some balls.

Experts have said for years and you would have heard it “give him all the signals and if he is interested he will make his move”.  Does anyone else see the problem with this?  That’s right, the statement “if he is interested he will make his move”.  For so long we have measured our own self worth on someone else’s opinion or actions.  If I walked down the street and asked a girl if she found me attractive and she said no, it doesn’t mean I am not, it just means I am not to her.  She isn’t speaking for every woman (thankfully).  After all, we all know a few good looking people who we don’t necessarily find attractive.  So let’s get out of the mind set of IF he likes me and start to take control.  Let’s not leave all the choice up to him.  Make a move.  Let him know that he is impressive enough for you by making the effort to say hello. 

Don’t kick yourself later on.

There is nothing worse than missing an opportunity that you had the chance to take.  Seeing that guy that made your heart turn into butterflies and not doing anything about it can be a huge regret.  He could be the one. Fate is all good and well, but it needs a hand every now and then because things aren’t going to just land in your lap.  So take a chance and have no regrets.  Life is for living, so get out there and live it up.

Guys:

Smile and eye contact.

It is the same for guys as it is for girls.  Eye contact and smiling is a definitive way for her to know you have noticed her.  Look, hold it and smile.  Don’t be scared to say hello across the crowded room.  You don’t need to be adept at lip reading to know when someone has quietly said hello to you from a distance.  Add the smile and eye contact and she will know.  Women are amazingly perceptive creatures.

Lines don’t work, being genuine does.

“Hi, do you come here often?” is a sure-fire way to lose credibility.  Think about it.  You’re at a Sunday session, you meet her at the bar, she has probably had a few guys try and say hello and break down that wall and they have all said the same thing; “having a good day?”, “how’s the weekend going?” or the old chestnut “what do you do for work?”  All functional questions but oh so boring and she has heard it all before.  So set yourself apart and break that mould.  Let her realise you are nothing like the other guys there.

Take note of her effort.

A sincere and genuine compliment can go a long way, but you need to make it relevant.  Saying she has nice eyes is generic and lacks imagination and often sounds like you’re giving her a line.  Make the compliment personal from you to her, on something that you have noticed.  If she has curly hair, let her know you love her ringlets as so many people straighten their hair, that the curls suit her and she looks stunning.  So take note of what she is wearing, if it is new, or it’s something she is obviously proud of.  Share interest in that item.  It is not about what you say, it is about what you notice.

Know when to walk away.

This doesn’t mean to give up.  It means know when to leave.  She needs to be aware of your absence before she can realise that she liked having you there.  So say hi, plant the seed.  Remember you have already made yourself look different in her eyes, so now is the time to walk away.   After all, if you’re not there you have an excuse to come back.  Take the time to flirt some more from a distance with your eyes.  It is about making the moment exciting and letting her know she is special.

Now this is just a start, once the walls start to come down and the ice has been broken you can get on with getting to know each other and communicating on a more natural level.  Now since this is such a small snap shot, and you have more questions, or need help getting that special person’s attention, please feel free to drop a line to the contact details below.  We still have places free for this weekend’s workshops sessions.

Remember you need to tailor all this to your own style, skills, and the environment you’re in.  It is important to also know that games are a waste of time and often just leads to people getting hurt.  Communicate, say what you feel and always be honest. 

If you have any personal questions you would like Andrew to help you with, he can be contacted by email or on his mobile- 0414 218 087. You can now follow Andrew on Twitter www.twitter.com/datinginthewild

What a great day.  Everyone is out to have a brilliant time, dressed immaculately and looking either stunning or handsome.  It seems to have all the ingredients required in a recipe for love.  So where does it all go wrong?
 
It is simple. We just don’t know how to “lay down chat”.

Sadly and simply put, society has slowly pushed us in a direction that has made most of us incapable of being able to start and hold a basic conversation with the opposite sex.  To give you an example, let’s take a look at what happened to a friend of mine on Tuesday.

He was standing at the bar when a gorgeous girl had her wine knocked out of hand by a slightly intoxicated friend.  As a true gentleman he acted on the spot; ordered her another Sem Sav, snatched a cloth from behind the bar and helped clean up her shoes and get her back to feeling and looking her gorgeous self.  She was overwhelmed and loved his response and they had a wonderful chat at the bar then went their separate ways after five minutes with a smile and a laugh.

The problem arose when he returned to the table of his friends.  He was chastised and made fun of for “chatting up” and “trying to hit on” the girl at the bar.  He then felt he had done something wrong and was a sleaze.  It is simply not the case.  He was doing a perfectly normal thing.  It just seems in some people’s eyes you can’t have a conversation without the intent to have sex.

This issue has been brewing for some time and has reached a point where women now think that if a guy is talking to them it is surely underpinned by a motive to make a move.  This is simply not the case.

Now I am not so naive as to say that romantic intentions are never a factor in a conversation, because they are.  We often see people that attract our attention and would naturally love to say hello to them.  This may be the extent of our intentions, to say something as simple as “hi, wow you have an amazing smile”.  But for saying this you don’t deserved to be classified as a seedy Casanova bent on trying to seduce them.  After all it’s just a hello.

It is now getting to the point where you can’t walk down the street and say hi in passing without a look back of “what was that?”, “do I know them?” or my favourite “wow, psycho”.  We need to bring the chat back and it is a sure way to attract that special someone who could be just one hello away.

Saying hello and sharing a smile is highly contagious.  Give it a go yourself, the next time you walk past someone say hi to them.  Smile and watch the reaction.  Trust me, if they don’t smile at you, they will smile.  It’s a natural reflex in anyone with a shred of empathy.  If you smile at someone, and they look away, two seconds after your smile hits them they will naturally smile. Whether it is at you or the footpath that they are now looking at, they will smile.  Unsolicited greetings have sadly become a rarity in today’s society yet can make someone feel amazing.  We get so caught up in our lives that we lose sight of everything happening around us.  And this is what stops us meeting people in the wild.

I understand that chat doesn’t come naturally to everyone.  It’s a lot like surfing, you need to practice, and you need to practice on the smaller waves before you can take on the five feet point break at Burleigh. You need to practice the “hellos” and “how’s the day” in social environments with strangers so that you’re prepared when the opportunity comes along and you’re faced with your own five footer; a stunningly intelligent and enchanting woman or that tall dark and handsome, or short and bald yet amazingly charismatic guy.  You need to be “chat fit”. 

It all starts with a hello and a smile.  So now I think it’s time to get practical.

Workshop in the Wild

Picture this: sitting in a bar with your friends and like-minded others, practicing and learning how to lay down the chat in many different environments.  How to get that guys attention, how to talk to a group of girls, how to set yourself ahead of the pack.  We all have the skills, just understanding what skills to bring to the table at what time is the key. Intrigued? Then this workshop is for you. 

It’s pretty straight forward.  We get together for lunch in one of the Gold Coast’s premiere locations to sit, discuss and learn the ins and outs of dating and meeting people in the wild.  Then we go off and do just that.  We go out and practice what we have learnt.  It is a fun, social day and one that you and your single friends can get a lot out of.  So who’s up for an afternoon with a difference?

Numbers are limited and sessions run for 4 hours, from mid afternoon into the evening.  Then you’re on your own.  It’s time to take control and embark on a self-discovering journey.  Application is by email, just drop a line and say hello. 

After all, it all starts at hello…

If you have any personal questions you would like Andrew to help you with, he can be contacted by email or on his mobile- 0414 218 087.

Before I jump in and talk about communication and how we differ, I just want to say thank you for all the great feedback and questions I have been sent.  I am glad I’ve been able to help and shed some light on a few grey areas and opened a few eyes to a new perspective. If you’re having trouble getting that sensational girl’s attention or you want to let that special guy know how you feel but are unsure how to go about it, just send me an email. I would love to hear about it and help make a difference.

Which brings me to communication; just how important is it?

Communication is what binds all relationships together and subsequently can make or break them.  Understanding how we communicate with each other is vital to a successful and passionate relationship.  The realisation that both parties communicate differently is the first step towards breaking down the barriers.

Take for example the following situation: A couple, after having a wonderful romantic dinner at home, find themselves with the guy sitting down watching television while the girl is washing up.  The guy asks “can I give you a hand” to which she replies “no it’s fine, you watch TV”.

Now what do you think the guy heard?  That’s right “no it’s fine, you watch TV”.  What she really meant was “I would love a hand, thank you” and it was actually implied in her answer.  But men don’t tend to read between the lines.  We are literal creatures not known for our intuition and awareness of others thoughts, feelings and situations. Thus, we should not be blaming the guy here. He asked a straight question and got a straight answer, she just answered the wrong way (although he can probably be blamed for not getting up and helping anyway). 

Guys are wired to communicate in a way that gives information quickly and concisely.  Unnecessary dialogue is wasted dialogue.  Have you ever noticed that when you ask how his day was it is short and sharp with a basic “it was good” or “yeah busy”  and found yourself delving deeper and asking more questions to get the desired response?  When you ask her the same question the results seem to flow in a fully-detailed explanation.

So once again make it simple.

Girls: When you are asked a question answer it straight and honestly, not in a cryptic fashion.  When asked if you would like a hand, say yes, don’t expect him to decipher codes or assume he should help.  Guys have trouble knowing when to help and when not to.  Remember, you can still be independent and enjoy chivalrous behaviour.   Keep this in mind and remember when you have asked a straight question and he gives you a cryptic answer back, he is hiding something. Whether it is your birthday present, a surprise party or that he kissed another girl, there is something deeper.

Guys: Don’t ask stupid questions to which you know the answer to. Act instead. She will be surprised and grateful and you will gain massive brownie points.  So don’t ask if you can help with the bags, just take them and show her you care.  Also, don’t ever take “I don’t want to talk about it” as an answer; most of the time she will.  So listen to her, wait and then listen again.  She will confide in you, after all that is what you are there for.

Communication is a huge topic and we can’t expect to solve all of the issues surrounding it in one blog.  So let’s start small.  After all, the small things are the ones that make all the difference.  And often the straw that breaks the camel’s back…

If you have any personal questions you would like Andrew to help you with, he can be contacted by email or on his mobile- 0414 218 087.

Now before all the ladies out there reading this begin compiling dot points and drafting abusive emails, just take a moment to read the blog, ponder the concept and the truth will be startling…women have all the power.

Now anyone who knows me understands that I respect women above all  and don’t have a chauvinistic bone in my body. The above comment seems offensively narrow-minded but is actually quite simple; whatever you accept will become the norm.

Take the following situation: we all know a guy who has cheated on his amazing partner, and we all know, to our surprise, that this girl took him back. By doing so, she shows an acceptance of her treatment and consequently justifies his behaviour.  This sets the norm, creates a precedent and says to him “it’s ok”… the truth is… IT’S NOT.

These women  are validating bad behaviour and letting guys know it’s ok to do it…not only do it to her, but continue doing it for ever more, to every girl he is with. 

I spoke to a lovely 20 yr old girl yesterday who was looking forward to her anniversary dinner at an exclusive Brisbane restaurant.  Sadly they missed their reservation due to the boyfriend staying at the gym to get in a few last sets.  Now I know everyone reading this would be shocked that he did that, and maybe in greater shock when they find out she responded with “he needs to get ready for footy season”.  She was bitterly upset, yet she didn’t let him know…. ignorance is no excuse for the guy and neither is settling for poor behaviour by the girl.

Remember this:  the least amount of effort a guy has to put into a relationship to make it work, he will.  He does this, not out of laziness, but out of the sheer fact he doesn’t know what to do, and if he isn’t told, why would he change? So if you settle for a mediocre performance, you get a mediocre performance.

YOU set the norms and expectations in the relationship.  If you are being treated badly, or not to the expectation YOU deserve, don’t blame the guy as he is just doing what he thinks you want, and what all his previous other girlfriends have lead him to believe.

Trust me, if every woman in the world stopped and said “unless we are treated like goddesses you will NOT get ANY attention”… in two days you will be very surprised, even astonished by the difference.
Simply put, respect and treat yourself like you want to be treated and don’t accept or compromise yourself for anything less.
It comes down to this.

Girls: 
Communicate your feelings and expectations; just don’t expect him to know.
Reward behaviour that makes you feel amazing.
Condemn behaviour that makes you feel anything less then what you deserve.

Guys:
Listen to what your partner wants
Gifts are for every moment not special times, so make that effort
And if she is the one, let her know at every chance.  There are never enough moments. 

Finally to the guys:  this advice doesn’t strictly mean opening doors and pulling out chairs, but try it.  Gauge her reaction, after all she deserves the opportunity to say “no”, rather than “he never does”.

If you have any personal questions you would like Andrew to help you with, he can be contacted by email or on his mobile- 0414 218 087.

Dating is often one of the most complicated aspects of one’s life.  You just have to walk around the streets and listen to snippets of conversation in passing to realise this.  You hear phrases like “he’s said this…. I told her that….. I couldn’t believe what he did…. he didn’t call”.  Most of our conversations between close friends revolve around “potential” people in our lives, and with all this focus we still have little idea or success in making this part of our lives live up to our vision and expectations.

This is where this blog comes in to help.  Getting you away from the online dating scene and bringing you back to dating in the wild, the way nature intended.

Every week we will touch base on the Why’s, How’s, and What’s of dating in the real world and give you tools to use in your everyday life to allow you to take control and understand what the opposites sex is looking for and how to get them to see it in you.

We will cover topics from body language, communication, sex, validation, and more importantly how to meet that someone special, through to how to leave the one that was so special.

I am a firm believer and I have seen it happen on so many occasions that you can be with anyone you desire.  It just comes down to understanding how to break down the walls so that person can see you in all your glory and splendour….. Now you must admit….. We all want that.

So let the journeys begin.  And feel free to drop a line with questions, feed back or if you just want help and ideas on how to get that special persons attention.   After all…. Being in control in life starts with one step in the right direction.  You ready to take that step???